XOXO- Brothers do not mind hugs but hate kisses!

Do you have a younger brother or do you have an elder sister? If yes, do all brother hate being hugged or kissed by their elder sisters? I have seen elder brothers don’t mind a peck or two at them by their younger siblings. But usually a brother who is younger, hates being kissed! Many of my friends said this is true in their homes. Random hugs and kisses annoy the little brothers! For us girls, well mostly, expression of love through Xs and Os i.e. hugs and kisses are important. I was wondering why younger bunch from mars hate it!
My younger brother hates being kissed. He doesnt mind long hugs, but dare we kiss him- he repels! His reflexes to our pecks have become strong. It might be because men hate being treated like a child, they want to be looked upon as a stronger shoulder, an independent identity. While we women love to express our love physically, men express theirs by caring for us. So while an elder brother doesn’t mind being kissed, younger ones do mind it.

Photo Courtesy: http://yongfarah.blogspot.in

I have known instances where girls dating a younger guy faced a strong retaliation and mis-judged their care with interferance. They wanted to be looked upon as stronger and reliable. On the other hand elder male partners didn’t mind depending too much emtionally on their female counterparts. Most of them appreciated being taken care of. May be they knew at the end of the day they own the throne!

X is for XOXO- Brothers hate kisses on April 28
A to Z Challenge

P.S. I am not generalizing and this post is purely based on the experiences around me. If there is an exception to this post, please do share it! 

P.P.S. Time for celebrations- finally I have reached my 200th post! Wuhoooooooo!!!! :D I dedicate this one to my brother- love him a lot-xoxo! **DevilGrin!!!**

Grey Strands

You are a woman
with grey strands on your head
But you should dye them,
as you are not married yet

For their sons,
greys  is the color of flair
being Richard Gere or George Clooney
is a cool affair

But girl there is something
that you must know
in greys you look gruesome,
a mother of four

They know he won’t hear
his mother otherwise
so she has become submissive
and decided to call him a man so wise

Girl, you must be polished
in brown or black but not grey
with those imperfections
 there can’t be any foreplay

They wonder how perfect their son is
prudent in worldly matters
He has hump on his stomach, to eat from
when stranded alone in a desert

Dear girl, you should be flawless
overflowing with plastic like a mannequin
so that some unknown king from faraway
can approach you to be his queen

Dear mothers of sons
 and men of colored strands
a woman is known to be perfect
when in adversities, she firmly stands

She is not a Barbie on display
She doesn’t want to dye her head
she finds them beautiful
Why this hideous act?

Being Dented painted waxed polished
with no marks and greys is not her duty
there is more to her
than this ever fleeting beauty

She loves her grey
and fondly calls them her silvers
and probably in years to come
she may be waiting eagerly for  famous ‘wrinkles’…

G is for Grey Strands on April 5,
A-to-Z-Challenge

P.S. This post is dedicated to those who have a bias for the color of grey!
P.P.S. Let her be the way she wants, she is beautiful with her imperfections.

When you chased something but realize you are not yet ready for it

How do people feel, and what should they do, when they realize that they have invested in something that in reality they don't actually want?

We go in a super-market; we buy many things that we really don’t need; or we go for shopping we buy a dress/shirt and after coming back and looking at it, we feel we didn’t want it. What do we do in that scenario? We either create a need, or we discard what we had bought!

Let us analyze the same in a human connection- let us say you have invested a lot in a relationship but all of a sudden due to some specific reasons you feel you don’t need this relationship neither you want it. A strong feeling of suffocation is felt during such times- a feeling of being caged! Either you will create a need for it or you will get out of it.

Image courtesy: Google

Before that you have to realize that it is not ‘a thing’ that you can leave at a given point and pick back when you want to. You need to brainstorm. You have to know if it is a temporary phase or the permanent one. Go with the flow for some time. Maintain a little distance and see things from the outer core. Know why you feel the way you feel and what were the reasons behind your investments initially. Probably because it is nowhere similar to what you had thought it will be.  It is either different or bad. If it is different you may/may not continue. Go with your gut feeling (our Id is stubborn- it can mislead us, but our subconscious mind knows about rights and wrongs).

However if it is bad you must quit at once, without a second thought. Now that you have contemplated about the things as in why your investment seems like a futile effort- if you want to get over it, tell the person how you feel. You may listen to a few bad words/ a little crying and few leave-me- not lines or you have to face a few punches and slaps- but freedom is always better than living unhappily ever after. It is better for the other person too as you can’t keep him/her happy when you are not happy in that relationship. Do the right thing with you and with the person you are living. You know it better about your life!!!

P.S. If it is about investment in business, you better stay till you earn your investments back. Do inform your partner at right time that you will not be staying for long.

(This question was asked under 'Dating and Relationships' head on Quora. I thought of sharing my answer here as well.)

Quora is a question-answer site. If you want to, you can add me here on Quora  .

How to Woo a Girl ...

A male Gorilla deliberately splashes about in swampland clearings not only to display his splashing prowess but also to intimidate his competitors in the battle to woo a female companion. On the other hand for male chimps the way to woo their female partners is to shower them with fruits as a gift. Male mice whistle complex songs at ultrasonic frequencies and lions roar. The male birds dance to attract their mating partner.
This video shows an unconventional way of Bird of paradise to woo the prospective mate:

Dancing, roaring, singing show females that the male animal is healthy and strong. Gift giving exhibits that the male is good at getting food and will provide for their young ones. These courtship behaviors are for the show to convince females that a male will be the best father and caretaker for her offspring.

While all species are busy in wooing their female counterparts, humans have been developing their own set of techniques and skills to show that they are the best! Here are my two cents on 

HOW TO WOO A LADY:

1. Spend time with her: Females notice how you take out time for them from your busy schedule and how you look at them- if you are genuinely interested give her your precious time and attention to make her feel wanted.

2. Break the barricades: She may not open up to you at first and hence you have to support her stimulate the conversation! To look at you as a prospective lover she needs to know whether she can depend emotionally on you- if you can understand her insecurities, her fears.

3. Flirt a little: Do not overdo or under-do anything. Strike a balance. Overdoing might border to lewd or non-serious intention and under doing could make you a bore. Flirting helps in breaking the barriers, helping her to know how you would be romantically! I wrote a post on why do women get attracted to bad guys. A woman who finds a strong yet emotional man, can't go very far from him.

4. Know her more: If she is important to you, know her likes and dislikes. Ask her out for lunch or dinner. Make her feel comfortable and special. A random and spontaneous plan! Gift her something, a rose or secret bouquet or chocolates or random note in your handwriting stating how lovely she looked, or anything that you admired in her. 

5. Stand by her: Unlike you she goes through a lot of emotional instability. Her fears are genuine and she needs to know you can take care of them all. You have to show that you are man of words, you have to tell her that no matter what but you have ability to stand against all odds when you need to for the person you love. Never miss an opportunity to put words to actions if the need arrives.

6. Compliment her genuinely: She can tell fake admiration from genuine admiration. She was created with strong intuitions. And rare is the descendent of Venus who'll frown at a genuine compliment. Don't think she has received enough compliments from others before you came. She does need to know your opinion too. It's important to reinforce her confidence (in you).

7. Involve her in your life: Tell her about your family, friends, dreams, worries, aspirations too. Rather than only making her center of your life make yourself center of hers too.

 8. Show some Pet/Baby love: She needs to know how you care about little children or pets or how you talk to people of lesser order. While making a selection female mind subconsciously weighs how good as a father you will be for her offspring. She should know that she can depend on you in years to come.

9. Don't be a Humpty-Dumpty: There might be many folks trying to grab her attention, you have to be best in the lot. Take a watch on what you eat, exercise. An attractive physique can give you plus points. She caught your attention in a crowd, you need to work for the same. 

10. Be yourself: Don't pretend to be someone else that you are not. Because you can not tread far with pretense and plasticity.

Wooing is an art where you have to work with her conscious and subconscious mind. Since females are moody, unstable, and very insecure bunch you have to deal with them patiently.

Sometimes like males, females also fear from early emotional baggage you come with and then they do not want to try things at all. While sometimes they have that sort of emotional dependence that they get scared of their vulnerability on a new being.
Advice: If she is sure and determined that you are not the one, don't be a burden on her mind, better let her go.

P.S. You might love this another wooing-moonwalk too

 

Credits:Cartoon images used in illustrations are picked up from Google.

अनुभूति

Click to view all posts selected for Tangy Tuesday.

I wrote this poem long back, and I love it. I would like to dedicate this poem to all mothers, would-be mothers, those who recently became one and to their lovely daughters. Most importantly this poem is dedicated to the wonderful and unmatched relationship a mother and a daughter share with each other...

Special Dedication to My Mom and my late Nani (grandma)! As my mom says that our relationship is so much like she shared with her mom. And every mother goes through similar fears and dreams for her daughter irrespective of the era she is living in. Needless to say that I love mine a lot. Here is the write up:

मैं तेरे आँगन में
खेला करती थी माँ
मेरे आँगन में
अब खेल रही है
मेरी बिटिया.

तू जैसे भूख-प्यास
समझा करती थी मेरी
मैं भाग रही हूँ
चिंता में खाना लेकर
उसके पीछे

पाला तूने मुझको 
हर धूप में छाया देकर
मैं भी देकर 
छाया उसको
जी जाउंगी
वो ही जीवन.

देख रही हूँ अब
अपना अतीत 

और उसका भविष्य-
कैसे जाया करती थी
मैं पढ़ने
वापिस आकर
घंटों बतियाया करती
खेला करती थी
तेरे संग
वैसे ही पनपेगा उसका बचपन
धीरे-धीरे
थोड़ा-थोड़ा करके
समय चक्र दोहराएगा
वो ही सब
और देखते देखते
बड़ी हो जाएगी
मेरी भी बिटिया

हर रात डर से
मैं भी जागा करुँगी
और सुबह देखूंगी
फिर कुछ सपने
मैं उससे
और वो मुझसे
करेगी वो ही बातें
जैसे मैं और तू
बांटा करते थे
अपने कुछ डर और किस्से

हो जाएगी
वो भी एक दिन
आगे बढ़ने को तैयार
पीछे छोड़
अपना यह बचपन

इस ह्रदय को
करके कठोर
मैं फिर लडूंगी
अपने हर भय से
तेरी ही तरह माँ
और आगे उड़ जाएगी
मेरी बिटिया

Image courtesy: footage.shutterstock.com

पर प्रेम-डोर से
बंधी रहेगी वो
हमारी ही तरह
फिर एक दिन
उसके घर में
खेलेगी
उसकी बिटिया

जैसे तू भी खेला
करती होगी माँ
अपनी माँ के आंगन में...

Tale of a Gold-filled Broken Bowl

I read the blog post by one of my dear friend Shine titled 'Gold Filled Broken Trust'

Most of her posts compel me to contemplate on the subjects related to life and philosophy and this one was no exception. There she talked about broken trust that can be re-established and made more beautiful with reference to the following quotation she read online.

Being an optimist she tried to mend the trust that was broken for years by somebody, she talked about failing in the same.After reading her post, I thought some of us might be going through the same phase i.e. being hopeful and putting efforts to mend something that has been broken. Though probability of setting things right is more when the person who was at mistake realises his fault and put forth his efforts to fix things.

I thought about aforesaid quotation with a different view than Shine's, and hence thought of sharing it here.

We are humans and we percieve the thoughts of wise the way we want to, befitting our situations. There can be infinite ways to look at things or one universal way to understand them and implement them in our lives. 

Let the object or the bowl above be a person. We all face some or the other difficulties in life. We have heard about the famous phrase by Herbert Spencer, 'Survival of the fittest.'  Hence when a shattered person manages to stand again, s/he becomes fitter and fittest with each difficulty s/he faces. The experience gained in the process makes the person much stronger, wiser and less vulnerable. Such experiences have their own welfares to the world than to that person. S/he can rescue, empathise, be non-judgemental with that part of the world that is going through the same hardships which s/he went through.

The trust Shine talked about can be that soup in the bowl that filled it prior to the cracks. Once soup is spilled no one can fill it with the same one, we need to fill it with a new one.

The broken bowl still has cracks in it. Filling it with gold is a reminder to us not to under-estimate its value by its cracks, there is a history associated with it. A tale about its struggles and wise beauty. Japanese must have thought something beautiful like that. Quotes from wise mean something to keep for the long run. Isn't it?

Post Script: If someone has broken your trust more than once, try to be sensative to yourself and find people who really care. No one deserves a life full of uncertainities and errors. Love yourself!

Image Courtesy: Google

Agony Aunts' Agonies

People often go through times of change in their relationships. Hustle and bustle of everyday life and/or emotional issues cause stress in the relationships. We all have stress in our lives, it could be job-related, financial, marital, or parental.

Are you 'the Agony Aunt' or 'the Agony Uncle' to many? Do you feel people around you need you while going through ups and downs in their personal lives? Does your advice do the magic in their lives?

According to psychological studies people who are good at solving relationship problems of others normally have difficult time in dealing with their own relationship issues. Is it really true? If it is, have you wondered why? 
While solving daily problems of your friends, family members or even acquaintances you get exposed to mental and emotional grind on everyday basis. Which is especially true if your attempts are sincere since advising without understanding the problems is a fake attempt to help. Hence, while dealing with them and giving them solutions you start living in their mess.  So a person might not be dealing with those problems in her/his personal life, but is stressed out because of the act of helping out her/his near and dear ones. Sometimes when such person deals with a personal problem in her/his own life, s/he can get in the state of denial or try to run away from that, being exposed to such things for a long time. Knowing their close ones are already having issues in their lives, a person tends to keep her/his worries with his own self instead of discussing it with others, when needed.

 It is a give and take relationship between pals and family. Discussing problems and finding out solution is a good habit to overcome stress and get a third person view on how things can be seen otherwise. So while you might be good at solving problems of your close pals, you should not think twice in taking suggestions from others when you need to. Always make sure you talk to them when you need rather than keeping yourself locked up inside.

While discussing your problems with anyone always remember a few things, do not discuss how much the world sucks and how bad people can be, but the possibilities on how to cope up with them if you really want to be in it.Try to reach the most practical person around you or else you can share it with more than one person and take the advice that suits you best.

Gloomy pals can give you pessimistic views and worsen the scenario. Try to approach the ones who are in a happy phase of their lives.

Take some time out for yourself and for soul retreat. Do things that make you happy. If more than one person is going through a problem around you- your mind needs rest and if you are tranquil then only you can help others in the best way and live your life too.

Having a girls time out or men time with your pals is a good and healthy practice. Do not isolate yourself while being in stress else it can turn into depression.

Enjoy your lives and bust stress!

Image Courtesy: Google

Why do women get attracted to bad men?

According to a common notion women knowingly or unknowing get attracted to bad ones in the lot. Many of them do, especially the ones who have lived it all decent life till now. Is this a myth or a fact?

He is bad who is:
A rebel, haughty, does what he feels without caring about the world around him, prioritize himself in everything, takes everyone else for granted, abuse a lot, not emotionally vulnerable, unmindful to woman’s need, doesn’t treat her nicely and uses her for sex with no emotional strings attached.

On the other hand Good man is the one who takes good care of a lady, who is decent and devoted, helpful, meeting almost all her demands. In a nutshell he is like a 'gilt fund' with expected returns, no loss and no risk.
A guy, for the matter of fact any person, with all good and no bad- Does Not Exists.

Are we women Gamblers? Are bad guys really bad and good ones really good? Or good guys are trying to make them look bad? Do women like to be used and abused? No sane woman would want a life full of uncertainty, getting abused with no expected returns on her emotional investment. May be the attraction can work for a while but in long run if taken a wrong path, relationship may not work! Hence, there are other reasons that are working behind their fatal attractions. Let us find out.

What is good about Bad Folks?
Girls tend to get attracted to somebody who has a strong personality, an opinion of his own and has confidence- this portrays an unabashed masculinity. The same way in which men get attracted to  femininity.

Sometimes good guys turn out to be the people with lack of self-confidence, and lack of life in them. They, at times, act like eccentrics not ready to think about something they are not familiar with. On the other hand so called bad guys seem strong, fun, confident, fighters in adversities and non-judgmental (I don’t care attitude). Remember Rhet Butler in a famous classic novel “Gone with the Wind”? (He is a perfect example of a bad guy who turns out to be a fighter in adversities). Sub consciously women want to explore it all and yet want to be safe from the cruel world. They tend to get attracted to the bad ones.
So a good man may not be that good to live with, with his fickle mind, eccentric temperaments and non-experimenting attitude.

Hence, gentlemen can take the above mentioned attractive traits of bad ones to win their lady’s love interest. Women work with their subconscious mind while selecting their mates. Survival of the fittest works here best!

P.S. There may be some disagreements. You are invited to post your views with reasonable explanations.
Question: Why do guys tend to run after the ladies they can't get, leaving the accessible ones?

Note: Not all women get Attracted to Bad ones! Author of this post has tried to dig out the reason behind the ones who do!
Image courtesy: Google